Back in the USA

Rob MacPhail, Scotland supporter/sympathiser 

"It's not the despair, Laura. I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand."  

The line above, spoken by John Cleese’s character in the 1986 film Clockwise, reflects a sentiment that will resonate with many Scotland football fans. 

While the nation is still basking in the glow of qualifying for the men’s football world cup for the first time since 1998, fans of a certain vintage may find it hard to separate the hope from the heartache of previous competitions.  

I experienced my own first dose of world cup woe in 1978. Archie Gemmil has just jinked and waltzed his way through a bamboozled Dutch defence, helping Scotland to claim a famous 3-2 win over one of the tournament favourites. Yet it is Holland who progress to the next stage. Scotland are out. Seven-year-old me is left bereft by this injustice and bemused by the cruelties of a nemesis I would come to know as ‘goal difference’. And thus, I had, unwittingly, successfully unlocked level 1 of Being a Scotland Fan (Beginner).  

In time I would become schooled in Scotland’s penchant for the premature and sometimes preposterous tournament exit. At the 1974 world cup in West Germany, we made history as the first ever nation to be knocked out without losing a game. In 1982 and 1986 we checked out after inflicting on ourselves horrors too awful to recount here. At Italia 1990, Scotland, hanging on unconvincingly against Brazil, were a measly eight minutes away from finally extricating themselves from the group phase. But the world cup gods are cruel and must have their fun. A late Brazilian winner and an even later Uruguay goal against South Korea (don’t ask) consigned us to another painful and ludicrous exit.  

Scotland’s faithful tartan army, all boisterous bravado and bonhomie, know the score. There are inescapable certainties. If there is a ‘group of death’, Scotland will surely find themselves in it. At some point, without warning, a Scotland player is going to abandon all reason and do something inexplicable. Calamity is never far away. We will be back home before the postcards. This is the way. 

If the world cup is the film Groundhog Day then Scotland is Bill Murray, resolutely trialling new and increasingly outlandish ways to exit the stage. You might even chart the nation’s collective psyche through our choice of world cup songs. From the jaunty and, frankly, wholly unwarranted hyperbole of 1978’s ‘Ally’s tartan army’ (“we’re going to win the cup!”), to the more grounded, aspirational ‘We have a dream’ in 1982, on to 1998 and the mournful, plaintive plea of Del Amitri’s ‘Don’t come home too soon’.   

This may all be coming across as a bit negative. For all the doom and gloom, there have been glorious moments that are seared in the memory. David Narey’s spectacular opening strike against Brazil (Spain 1982). A diminutive Gordon Strachan plonking a triumphant leg over an advertising board after scoring against West Germany (Mexico 1986). John Collins cooly converting a penalty to equalise against world champions Brazil in the opening fixture (France 1998). Vivid vignettes all, although each ultimately served only to irritate our opponents and rouse them into countering with a decisive coup de grace.  

Of course, everything is clear in the rear view mirror. Now in my mid-50s, I can appreciate that Scotland spoiled me in my formative years. Between 1974 and 1990, we qualified for five world cups in a row. Qualification almost became routine. Along with the hosts and the holders, Scotland was a ubiquitous presence. Inexplicably we failed to qualify in 1994 – the last time the world cup was held in the USA – and it seemed a little rude of the rest of the world to proceed without us. We would qualify again in 1998 – falling at the group stage once more – before lapsing into 28-year exile.        

All of that changed on 18 November 2025 with a chaotic, barnstorming 4-2 win over Denmark at Hampden Park. Scotland, largely labouring against the technically superior Danes, improbably conjured up three world class goals to book their place at the finals and unleash a torrent of joy and emotion on the terraces and across the country. After such a long period of abstinence, this is a success that will be drunk deeply. Scotland will be coming to the 2026 world cup. There shall be a party.  

Lying in wait for us are Brazil (naturally), Haiti and Morocco. Not a group of death, perhaps, but potentially a group of pain. As ever, there is the hope but I’m not getting carried away this time (clearly).  

To the Scotland players, I humbly offer three pieces of advice. Firstly, go out there and enjoy yourselves (but not too much). Secondly, if you see someone you know on the pitch, pass the ball to him. And thirdly, for the love of all that is good in the world, whatever you do, please, please….. don’t come home too soon.